Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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