So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
