I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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