I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
