So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
