wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
