Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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