How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
