did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
