Plan B is the new Plan A
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
