Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
