john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
