I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
