dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
