omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
