im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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