the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
