so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
