I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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