I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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