booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
