Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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