But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
