I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
