Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
