My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Houston, we have a blender
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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