drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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