im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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