A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Girls should come with a carfax report
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
