just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
