Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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