I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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