If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
