Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
