i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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