I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
