Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
