Old men and throwing up are my life now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
