so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
