This is not my ceiling
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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