That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
