I didn't shave. On purpose
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
