soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
