i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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