i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
