I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
