Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
