You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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