I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
