I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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