i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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