we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
