I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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