There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
