used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
