He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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