Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
