There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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