can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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