hotel room ftw
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
