Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
