Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
