this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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