Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
