halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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