I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
