He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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