dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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