I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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