there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
