I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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