Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
