Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
