thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's blow job season.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
