so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
