you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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