At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
