You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
