i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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