I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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