Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
