my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
