dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
