remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
