On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
