Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
