the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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