These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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