I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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