R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
