your parents love me but you hate me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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