It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
